In 2013, not for the first time, Dennis Bergkamp threw his audience a dummy. Stillness and Speed, the Arsenal legend’s ‘autobiography’, was was a clean break from the lazy, formulaic cash-ins of the ex-pro genre. Instead readers were offered an original and rewarding mediation on his “technique and creative process”, told in a series of conversations with the football writer David Winner.

Don’t ever ask randy Central Asian hoteliers for help.

The flight to Bishkek, the capital of the Kyrgyz Republic, took in some splendid mountain scenery, the sort which would follow me around for three weeks. The country is 95% mountainous, and has been called the Switzerland of Central Asia. (Indeed, a disproportionately high number of Swiss tourists visit Kyrgyzstan each year, drawn by the alpine scenery. I find this puzzling, given they could just head out into their back gardens for the same experience.)